Happy Mother's Day

When I found out I was pregnant on January 15th, 2018, we had been trying for only a month, but it felt like an eternity. Actually, the night before I took a pregnancy test and I thought I saw a second line very faintly, but my boyfriend said he didn’t see one. But something in me just kept telling me I was pregnant even though my period wasn’t supposed to start till the 19th. So the very next day in the evening, I was on FaceTime with my sister Jaimee and I had to pee so I decided to take a test. I pee on the stick, put it down, and instantly it was two lines. I’m like no way. So I take another and positive. I ended up taking 5 test total: 3 regular and 2 digital. I’m freaking out now over the moon excited my sister knows because she’s been on FaceTime this whole time taking the test with me. My boyfriend is in the living room on the couch. I hand him the test and he can’t believe it but he is happy nonetheless. (Little disclaimer: we had been trying but I was very indecisive about if I was ready or not my boyfriend on the other hand knew he was ready, it was even his idea to start trying.) Seeing all those positive test made me the happiest person in the world. To go through life hearing it was possible I would never be able to have kids and to see that test read pregnant was nothing short of amazing. I doubted myself and my body many times but I never fully gave up hope. I left it in God’s hands and he blessed me.

Now fast forward to today. Never would I have imagined giving birth to such a strong beautiful baby boy. No, my pregnancy was not like I envisioned my labor and delivery was not what I had planned. I didn’t get to hold my baby for long and from the moment he took his first breath, I held mine wondering if all those doctors piled in the corner of the room hovering over my sweet child were going to whisk him away to surgery before I even got to fully see him or touch him. I prayed that his heart didn’t fail right then and there and that my baby would just keep pushing through despite what the doctors had said would most likely happen. And to everyone’s surprise that’s exactly what happened. My son fought hard and after just five days in the NICU we went home. No surgery. No nothing. And he fought for three long months before he had to have his first open heart surgery.

From that day and every day after my son has taught me that I am stronger than I knew possible, that I am capable of so much more in life, that I am an amazing mother, that I am loved and what true love really is. That everyone goes through things in life but we do not have to dwell on our misfortunes. If he, as a baby, can be diagnosed with a rare congenital heart defect, go through two open heart surgeries all before the age of one, and still wake up every day smiling, laughing, and playing. That I can, as his mother, be strong and provide him the best life possible. I will never regret being a heart mama. It has made me a better person and has taught me to love myself and to cherish every moment in life.

My son is the biggest blessing that has ever happened to me and these past eight months with him have been some of the most stressful and heart wrenching moments, but they also have been the most rewarding and happiest moments of my life. I wouldn’t trade him for anyone in the world and if I could go back and have a “normal” baby, I wouldn’t because he’s perfect just the way he is. I am blessed to have such an amazing child regardless of the circumstances.

So to all the Heart mamas out there: Happy Mother’s Day, and to all the future heart mamas, hang in there because it will be hard but it will be worth it.