5 Things to Expect After Finding Out Your Baby Has CHD

1.    Lots of doctors appointments: You are now considered high risk so expect to see at least 3 doctors, what feels like every other week.

Tip: If you can, try to make sure all your doctors are in the same area and schedule the appointments the same day, if possible. Which leads us to number two.

2.    It can get expensive: Having so many appointments can be a burden financially, especially if you haven’t met your deductible and your copay is high. I suggest if you can get Medicaid, to do so. Meeting our son’s surgeon one time for a sit down visit to just discuss the surgery cost us around $500 after insurance.

Tip: Don’t be afraid to ask for help, if you can. I learned this the hard way, but if people are willing to help you financially, then take it because making sure to see those doctors and monitoring your child’s developmental growth closely is vital to making for a same delivery for both you and the baby.

3.    A sense of guilt/regret: This was a tough one for me being that I already have dealt with depression for most of my life. I would have my days where the guilt would just eat me alive and I would just sit in the bath tub bawling my eyes out, praying to God that my baby would be okay. I regretted every possible bad thing I did. Every sin I ever committed. I felt like it was my fault this happened to him and that if I would have did something different he wouldn’t have to go through this. But now, because of me, he was dealt this disadvantage even before his life began. Know that it’s not your fault. You didn’t cause this and honestly they don’t really know why it happens but every 1 out of 100 babies have CHD. You just happened to be the lucky number one.

Tip: Tell someone how you are feeling. Free your emotions so you don’t carry that burden around Talking to your spouse/significant other is important and if you don’t have that family and friends or fine too. And, if there is the slight chance you are alone through all of this, talk to me. I’m all ears because I know what it’s like to feel alone and I t wouldn’t wish that on anyone at such a delicate time in their life. Also, it’s okay to cry. Let it out as much as you need to.

4.    People to not understand: I don’t know how many times I told my husband and my family that they didn’t understand. As a mother from the beginning usually you have this bond with your baby. So sometimes when things happen you feel them on a deeper level than everyone else. Not to mention your hormones are all over the place. But there are going to be times when everyone expects you to be positive and they tell you to trust God or they believe when the baby is born it will be magically healed. And to that I say fuck them! It’s your baby. It’s your body and they will never understand unless they go through it themselves.

Tip: It’s okay to ignore what others say and how they feel about the situation sometimes. If they don’t understand then they don’t understand. Don’t stress yourself out trying to get someone to see how you feel because 9 times out of 10 they won’t.

5.    The what if’s: This one can really get you because if you aren’t careful you will what-if yourself into a breakdown. It’s okay to worry. It’s normal. But, don’t spend every moment of the day wondering what if this happens or this happens. Just take it day by day. Some days are better than others. Some days you might see a cute baby doing something random and it triggers you to think what if your baby can never do that. Just breathe and don’t count your baby out. Heart babies are fighters. It will honestly surprise you just how strong your baby can be. So, if they can be strong, you can be strong.

Tip: Try to focus on the good things about your pregnancy. I promise once you see that cute little face it will all be worth it.