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Being a Heart mom is by far one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I ever had to take on. It comes with lots of challenges, restless nights, long hospital stays, countless doctors appointments and never ending worry. Somedays I just sit and think about all the what if’s, what if his heart just stops, what if I put him to sleep one day and he never wakes up, or what if he’s doing so good right now and tomorrow it just all goes down hill, what if his next surgery isn’t his last and the list goes on and on.
Today was the big day. The day every mom anxiously waits for: gender ultrasound day. I was finally going to get to see my little man for the first time since 6w2d when he was just a little blob and a sac. And yes, I knew it was a boy from the blood test taken at around 12 weeks.
Congenital Heart Disease (CHD) or Congenital Heart Defect is the abnormality in the heart that develops before birth during the early stages of pregnancy when the baby’s heart is forming.
Sometimes Life hands you your biggest blessings in the most Mysterious ways. I say this because somedays I find myself asking Why? Why you? Why me? Before you I was lost without a purpose floating through life looking for a way out. Praying for a reason to live, a reason to not give up and he gave me you.
A year has come and gone faster than I could have ever imagined. It feels like just yesterday you were this tiny little baby who depended on me for everything. Who wanted no one but Mama. I miss the days before you were born where I would just sit in the bathtub, rub my tummy, and tell you to be strong and never stop fighting (Little did I know in your own way you were telling me the same). It was just you and me. I will always cherish those moments.
Today marks the first of many Father’s Day’s. I am filled with so much emotion as I think back to the day we found out we were having a little boy. It was the most emotion I ever seen you have towards the pregnancy I could see you were truly happy to be a daddy.
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